The black men infatuation with the other

Black men more so than any other group of men holds an ‘aw’ for women outside their ethnic group. Now some would state I am making a bold statement and that I am generalizing all black men. But I would like to pose crucial points to prove my case and to also acknowledge that not all black men fetishize for different ethnic women(I include myself in this acknowledgement).

Let’s examine the media, one needs only to watch the typical hip-hop video and would be hard pressed to find a black woman who possesses dark skin, typical African feature, as well as natural hair. The male protagonist in these video’s(the rappers) are for the most part  black men themselves but yet they surround themselves with fairer skin women. Hip hop acts as a form of fantasy, typically men brag, about their access to wealth, power, and women. In the fantasy that hip hop portrays women who are light skin, possess straighter to curly, and have racially ambiguous features are seen in high esteem.

As a black man who lives in New york City I can tell many women of other ethnicities do not hold the same gaze on black men as we do towards them. One only need to go on a dating website to find how many advertise how they prefer white and Hispanic men, with some explicitly listing “no black men”. I personally do not mind if some women are not attracted to black men for I do not seek their validation. But many other black men do. One need to search countless forums asking the same typical questions “Do Asian women like black men”, “do middle eastern women like black men”, “do Russian women like black men”, I would highly doubt if the same question is asked vice versa.

One has to look at the disparities in marriage rate between black men and women, more black men are married than black women, despite the fact that there are 1 million more black women to men. This can be(at least partially) explained by the fact that 20% of black men who get married, marries women outside his race.

My case in point is that as black men we need to stop putting these white, Asian, and Hispanic women on these pedestals. The reason I believe we pedestal these women is because the black community still holds a lot of self-hatred which is has passed on to us through hundreds of years of slavery. That ‘s the only reason why as collective so many black men find typical eurocentric feature so attractive i.e light skin, straighter hair, etc.

In conclusion, I have nothing against being attracted to women of other races, I myself see the beauty in all races of women. My only objection is the pedestalling of other women while black men undermine our women. We as a people are still in a sense an “oppressed class”, particularly in the state of our mental affairs, and should do our best get out of it, first starting with some self-love as people.

Interracial relationships and the underpinnings of fetishism

I have no doubt in my mind that the vast majority, in my own estimates 90% of interracial relationships that I observe on a regular bases in the city of New York has fetishized under-linings. Let me elaborate on this. The most common mix grouping I witness is that of white males and oriental women. What comes to mind when I observe this coupling is how this man is relieving his yellow fever, his fantasized perception of this far-eastern girl, innocent and soft-spoken creature from the east. This oriental female views her white male lover as having the qualities of being assertive, powerful, masculine, and of course being rich. These associated attributes are of course opposite to the stereotype of oriental men. Who are usually stereotyped as nerdy, effeminate, and weak?

Now I’m not saying that I’m against interracial relationships. It’s quite possible that two people from totally different cultures and backgrounds, can truly just like each other, withstanding the fact that they come from two totally different circumstances. But let us not fool ourselves into believing that when you see for example a black man with a white woman that he and she are not relieving some sought of racialized-sexualized fantasy on their different inter-race partner.

I’ll give you my own experiences with this subject. I can remember conversating with this young Asian woman my freshman year of college who attested to me that she was not a bit attracted to Asian men. Now she wasn’t the only one I would hear this from. Scores of Asian women are involved in interracial relationships primarily with Caucasian men. Don’t take my word for it, look at the statistics on mixed race couples and you’d find Asians (particularly women) are involved in interracial relationships more than any other group.

I feel that if you were never born on this land of blond hair and blue eyes. And you were living the country of your origin whether it be china, japan, Korea. Are you telling me you wouldn’t be involved with anybody, because they don’t possess the physical racial characteristics that you find exotic? We all know the answer to this.

We can’t escape it, we all live in a very Euro-centric world in which whiteness is held on the highest of pedestals.

There are Black women that don’t like black men because they deem white men as more eloquent, kind, and responsible. I once had a conversation with a young black female in which she went on and on of how she was attracted to white men. How they are so nice and kind. My reply to all her compliments on white men where how “I indeed seen many photos of smiling NICE white men, black and white photos with a black body hanging in the background.”

Let’s be frank before everyone gets on the “how great whites are bandwagon”, let’s talk about the history of slavery, imperialism, and violence that caused these Europeans to become so dominate in world affairs.

Now I’m not a racist. I have nothing against white people. I have nothing against anybody, but I have a problem with people saying they are only attracted to one particular race, even if it’s a white woman who loves black men because it comes down to my early argument, its fetishism and the assigning of certain attributes to groups based on their race.