The black men infatuation with the other

Black men more so than any other group of men holds an ‘aw’ for women outside their ethnic group. Now some would state I am making a bold statement and that I am generalizing all black men. But I would like to pose crucial points to prove my case and to also acknowledge that not all black men fetishize for different ethnic women(I include myself in this acknowledgement).

Let’s examine the media, one needs only to watch the typical hip-hop video and would be hard pressed to find a black woman who possesses dark skin, typical African feature, as well as natural hair. The male protagonist in these video’s(the rappers) are for the most part  black men themselves but yet they surround themselves with fairer skin women. Hip hop acts as a form of fantasy, typically men brag, about their access to wealth, power, and women. In the fantasy that hip hop portrays women who are light skin, possess straighter to curly, and have racially ambiguous features are seen in high esteem.

As a black man who lives in New york City I can tell many women of other ethnicities do not hold the same gaze on black men as we do towards them. One only need to go on a dating website to find how many advertise how they prefer white and Hispanic men, with some explicitly listing “no black men”. I personally do not mind if some women are not attracted to black men for I do not seek their validation. But many other black men do. One need to search countless forums asking the same typical questions “Do Asian women like black men”, “do middle eastern women like black men”, “do Russian women like black men”, I would highly doubt if the same question is asked vice versa.

One has to look at the disparities in marriage rate between black men and women, more black men are married than black women, despite the fact that there are 1 million more black women to men. This can be(at least partially) explained by the fact that 20% of black men who get married, marries women outside his race.

My case in point is that as black men we need to stop putting these white, Asian, and Hispanic women on these pedestals. The reason I believe we pedestal these women is because the black community still holds a lot of self-hatred which is has passed on to us through hundreds of years of slavery. That ‘s the only reason why as collective so many black men find typical eurocentric feature so attractive i.e light skin, straighter hair, etc.

In conclusion, I have nothing against being attracted to women of other races, I myself see the beauty in all races of women. My only objection is the pedestalling of other women while black men undermine our women. We as a people are still in a sense an “oppressed class”, particularly in the state of our mental affairs, and should do our best get out of it, first starting with some self-love as people.

5 thoughts on “The black men infatuation with the other

  1. What are your thoughts on black women who have a preference for non black men? I ask because they are plentiful especially on dating sites like you referenced.

    • I feel the same exact way! The only reason I wrote particularly about black men, is because black men engage in interracial dating in far higher rates compared to black women.

  2. Great post. I am personally a believer of you fall for who you fall for. When I see a black woman with an Asian man I don’t care honestly. I do know that us black men were (still are in some cases) taboo to be with. We are oversexuaized as kids (See R&B group Immature when they first came out) and are labeled the proverbial bad guy. No one ever says “ohhh look that Black man has great qualities and I would like to marry him and build a foundation with.” Also have to acknowledge that racer of the fairer skin promote opulence and legacy at a young age. We do not do that unfortunately. Sad but true. Great post

  3. I don’t have a problem with anyone having a preference for an ethnicity, just as long as they are not bashing another.

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