Tag: black men

A rant on our gender and masculinity

A few years back, I had the pleasure of reading “The Rational Male” by Rollo Tomasi. This book essentially changed my life(that’s saying a lot because I have read hundreds of books in my life). The book is essentially a user guide to female nature and is considered a bible among the red-pilled community. One point that I took to heart while reading the book was how solipsistic women were by nature. Now, many would view this to be the sexiest, downright even misogynistic, but in evolutionary terms, this made perfect sense. For a lot of people, they just can’t make peace with biological facts and political correctness. Men and Women have fundamental differences that are the result of eons of evolution. That women would, by nature, be solipsistic, thinking of only themselves, makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Women( as still the case today) bear the brunt of rearing children. As well as the risky situation where they go through almost a year of gestation. This would lead to women generally being more egotistical and prioritizing themselves and their children above everything else. This is perfectly fine from an evolutionary as well as a historical standpoint. But this mode of being runs into many problems in our modern times.

Men, almost universally(with exceptions, of course), have been in a position of power. And with great power comes great responsibility (as the famous comic book quote stated). So in this scenario, I believe it made sense for certain things to be deferred to women with children since they were in a vulnerable position. But in the 21st century were the support and protection that men once provided aren’t as much needed as they once were. As certain old traditions just go out of whack. The idea that men are supposed to be providers made sense when muscles were what was needed to bring protein to the table or fight off other men, but these are not as relevant, at least not in the developed world. So why should we still hold on to these ideas? That I, as a man, should be financially supporting my partner when they are as capable or are already financially better off than I am doesn’t seem to make as much sense to men anymore.

This may explain why marriage has been in decline, and why people would even consider getting married. The historical foundation of marriage, i.e, to pass down lineage, doesn’t fit well in our modern world, where patriarchy doesn’t exist as it once did, at least in the developed world. I believe, particularly for men, we need to revisit what is truly expected of us in the modern world, or just be left with our current crisis of masculine identity, especially among young men

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Challenging Masculinity in the Black Community

On an early bus ride to work one cold morning, I had a conversation with an old drunkard. The conversation began when he had made a remark about the book I was reading, which happened to be the “Souls of Black Folk” by W.E.B. Dubois. He remarked how I was reading an essential book, to paraphrase him 

“ The black man is lost…..the black man isn’t the gangsta…..the white man is the real gangsta….the black man is weak…you see how they emasculate the black by having him wear dresses and these kids think it’s cool…. The black woman doesn’t respect the black man(as he was saying this, he pointed to two black female passengers who were in front of us). He spoke on until his stop.

This brief conversation left an impression on me. Everything this drunkard old man said was nothing I haven’t particularly heard before, spurted out particularly by older black men. I must say that some aspects of his brief speech I actually agree with.

Chiefly, that the black man is emasculated. But his emasculation has nothing to do with black men being depicted as being gay or wearing a dress, but is because the black man in this country holds no power.  A brief definition of masculinity states “possession of the qualities traditionally associated with men”. This is, of course, an expansive definition, leaving room for many interpretations. However, masculinity is generally associated with power. Now, let’s define power (in the noun sense). In a quick Google search, I have come upon two definitions. First, “the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality”, second, “the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events”.

Is the black man in this country in possession of either definition? I am particularly interested in the second definition as it is pertinent to my argument. When asking yourself, who are the most powerful people in the world, what comes to mind? For most people, it might be a political leader or a business magnate, two groups that exemplify the second definition to the fullest. Now, consider your typical political or business leader. What else comes to mind? Generally, men who wear suits, who are well spoken, and who possess great intelligence. Men in these positions are not your general ideals of urban masculinity. They are generally not physically imposing or brash in their speech, yet they hold considerable power in any modern society.

Now, when you begin to think of the race associated with these types of men, it generally tends to be white (i.e, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Elon Musk). Of course, there are notable exceptions(Barack Obama, Jay-Z), but in general, we see the men with all the real power in our society as white men.

In Urban culture, masculinity is heavily associated with gangsterism( the exhibition of gangsta behavior,  promiscuity with many women, and the ability to murder other men with little remorse), This is something I have encountered many times myself as a black man who grew up in South Jamaica, Queens, NY. Your entire identity is based on not being deemed soft and earning the respect of your peers through acts of violence. OF course, this isn’t exclusive among inner city blacks( I can think of Machismo in Latin America as an outward example), but this is dangerously pervasive in the black community among black males.

I believe the contemporary understanding of what it means to be a man in the black community leads to violence in the inner city, the sexual objectification of black women, and the pervasiveness of homophobia in the black community. I believe that as black men we need to question what it really means to be a man, and if that definition is holding us back from achieving true masculinity, i.e, power.

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The Answer to the Great American Pandemic

A short film I made a couple of years ago. It wasn’t the best of quality, but I did try my best on it. The premise of the short is a satire of the black male experience in the United States.

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The Attraction Divide: Black Men and Interracial Preferences

Black men, more so than any other group of men, hold an ‘aw’ for women outside their ethnic group. Now, some would state I am making a bold statement and that I am generalizing all black men. But I would like to pose crucial points to prove my case and to also acknowledge that not all black men fetishize different ethnic women(I include myself in this acknowledgement).

Let’s examine the media; one needs only to watch the typical hip-hop video and would be hard-pressed to find a black woman who possesses dark skin, typical African features, as well as natural hair. The male protagonists in these videos (the rappers) are, for the most part, black men themselves but yet they surround themselves with fairer-skinned women. Hip hop acts as a form of fantasy; typically, men brag about their access to wealth, power, and women. In the fantasy that hip hop portrays, women who are light-skinned, possess straighter to curly hair, and have racially ambiguous features are seen in high esteem.

As a black man who lives in New York City, I can tell that many women of other ethnicities do not hold the same gaze on black men as we do towards them. One only needs to go on a dating website to find how many advertise how they prefer white and Hispanic men, with some explicitly listing “no black men”. I personally do not mind if some women are not attracted to black men, for I do not seek their validation. But many other black men do. One needs to search countless forums asking the same typical questions: “Do Asian women like black men?”, “Do Middle Eastern women like black men?”, “Do Russian women like black men?”, I would highly doubt if the same question is asked vice versa.

One has to look at the disparities in marriage rates between black men and women; more black men are married than black women, even though there are 1 million more black women to men. This can be(at least partially) explained by the fact that 20% of black men who get married marry women outside their race.

My case in point is that as black men, we need to stop putting these white, Asian, and Hispanic women on these pedestals. The reason I believe we pedestal these women is because the black community still holds a lot of self-hatred, which has been passed on to us through hundreds of years of slavery. That‘s the only reason why, as a collective, so many black men find typical Eurocentric features so attractive, i.e, light skin, straighter hair, etc.

In conclusion, I have nothing against being attracted to women of other races; I myself see the beauty in all races of women. My only objection is the pedestalling of other women while black men undermine our women. We as a people are still, in a sense, an “oppressed class”, particularly in the state of our mental affairs, and should do our best to get out of it, first starting with some self-love as people.

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