I’ve been battling with depression since I was a teenager. and it hasn’t gone away, even well into my 30s. I would drink heavily to try to subdue it, but it is only temporary and seems to make things worse. I usually ruminate over the same angry thoughts day and night. I’ve tried working out, but it is also another temporary fix (albeit more healthy than drinking). So i decided to write this post as a way to clear my head. I also feel this will be helpful to anyone out there who is going through what I’m going through.
Being a man in this city comes with an almost certain level of anger. You are not as cared about anymore, you are expected to be strong, and your problems are not taken as seriously. I see it on the streets, men who are on the corner drinking or doing whatever drugs. Doubting what the right decisions are to make. I’m starting to believe you, as a man, need to look out for yourself first. Making sure your finances, your health, and peace of mind are put before everything else.
As I get older, dating seems like a waste of time. Women look to take but give very little in return, leaving you bitter. Society will quickly imprison you, but slowly help when needed. I have contemplated suicide, but I don’t have the will to do it. I guess I gotta stay strong and roll with the punches because, seriously, this modern age isn’t making it easy.
I lift weights because even though I’m not mentally strong, maybe at least I can be physically strong. Life becomes a metaphor for prison, working out and reading books, because they can do everything materially from but a least you’ll have your mind and body.
Da Joanis Project 